Self help or help yourself?

In a book shop the other day I heard a customer ask where the self help section was. No really!
 
In my time I have read a number of self help books and I have to say that the vast majority did not help at all.
 
I remember (or most likely mis-remember) one piece of advice from Feel the fear and do it anyway and the same amount from Stop Thinking and Start Living.
 
I think the problem is that most self help books have to start with an assumption of where you are now.
 
I remember the joke about the traveller who asks the farmer
 
“How do you get to [Insert name of city here]? To which the farmer replies.
 
“I don’t know but I wouldn’t start from here!”

Evolution of feelings (repost from 2004)

(This article was from June 2004, I have reproduced it here along with some of the comments it generated.)

If we are to believe that we are created (for want of a better word) by evolution. Then feelings must have a benefit to the species as a whole. Some make sense

• Love often leads to children and the continuence of the species
• Fear stops us from taking to many risks

If that is the case, what use is the feeling of, or even the fear of rejection?

Consider the scene. Person 1 asks Person 2 out.

In a perfect world, Person 2 feels flattered and even if they reject Person 1. Person 1 feels satifisfied because they boosted the self esteem of the other.

Is that what really happens? No!

In reality either Person 1 never gets up the courage to ask, because of fear of rejection. Or if they ask and are rejected they feel terrible.

So, what is the evolutionary advantage of feeling like that? Or am I missing the point?

I was supposed to have my first date since my divorce

I was supposed to have my first date since my divorce last night. I waited around for two hours, and the person never showed. No e-mail, nothing. Grrrr. I hate dating!!

-Jen